Ah, Christmas. We started by sleeping in and then rolling out of our warm beds to open presents. That gold necklace up there? I got that from Jamie. I freaking love it. Next we fixed a big breakfast of bacon and eggs upon which Merlin drooled all over the table cloth begging for. Yes, he is a really that tall. Then later that afternoon I met up with Miss Margaret to exchange gifts. That's her with her new Wampa ice scraper that I got her. If you don't know what a Wampa is, you should probably watch more Star Wars. Lastly, I came home and we made an enormous dinner of steak and veggies. And I ate every bite and it was amazing. Pretty good holiday, eh?

I must say, this slowing down for the holidays? I am digging it. Today I ran 2 or 3 errands, all within about 2 miles of my house. Otherwise, I stayed in, built a fire, snuggled with the dog, did a smidge of fun design work and ate delicious home-made chicken soup... and more perogies.Tomorrow I am hoping for more of the same. But with presents and thank you cards and hot chocolate. I'm just relishing this holiday, I tell you. The boy here? I'm not sure he knows it's a holiday. And he's surely a little confused about all of his alone time. But he sure loves having my mother-in-law here. Snacks and snacks and snacks!

Jamie's mom arrived in town last week (I think I mentioned that previously?) and today we took her over to campus as I needed to pick up my books for spring. I love the light in front of Northrup Auditorium, so I made these two pose for a photo. Can't tell at all that they're related, can you? ;)We also took her over to Kramarczuk's in Northeast to pick up some pastries and perogies. You guys... I haven't had perogies since we were in Poland and OMG these were so damn good. It is so dangerous that I  have found a local dealer retailer. And as I type this, I am so, so full.

Today I was able to have lunch with a friend and finish up my holiday shopping (stocking stuffers? check) as well as watch Kansas just dominate Ohio State. But I felt like it was all through a bit of a haze. I'm just still really sad and raw about Memphis, and all I really want to do is curl up in a quiet corner and think. But I have a gazillion things to get done for the holidays and work and such, so it's not much of an option right now. Which seems to lead to me thinking most about my grief when I'm driving. Which tends to lead to tears.Because of this, I've been trying to take back roads and side streets... well that and holiday traffic right now is just out of control. Any time I can cruise by a lake instead of a packed shopping district, I'm doin' it. This afternoon I detoured over near Lake of the Isles, and the ice on the lake was perfect. It was so smooth, and there were people playing hockey and skating and even a few owners taking their dogs out (watching dogs try to walk on ice is endlessly funny to me). I snapped this image before heading home for the day.So if you see some crazy woman driving around down with tears streaming down her cheeks and punk rock blaring on the radio, just know that I'm working through this the best I can right now. And yes, I know I look ridiculous.

Today was much better than... the last month or so. Other than getting a ton of stuff done at the office, I was treated to dinner at one of my very favorite restaurants in the Twin Cities by my mother-in-law (very sweet of her). Then, after that wonderful meal, Jamie and I headed over to a "sing-along party," where I fully expected there to be tons of drinking and zero singing. Whooooaaaaa boy, was I wrong. Really, I'm not sure why I thought that because... you know... drinking leads to singing*.Everyone gathered around the piano, and while it started out as a few Christmas carols, it ended up being... Queen? And Aerosmith? And the more 90s music that played, the more dramatic the singing. It was SO DAMN FUN. As Jamie put it afterward, "We really needed to have all that smiling." It was great.* Note that I do not sing. Even Happy Birthday. My voice is horrific and far too embarassing to share with others. So what do I do at a holiday sing-along? I take photos, of course.

My eyes and my heart are so swollen.Memphis died in my arms last night at 1:20 am as I cradled her head in the crook of my arm and whispered in her ear while tears streamed down my cheeks. I wish I could say she simply fell asleep and was gone, but it was not that easy. I will spare you the details, just know it was a damn tough night.We couldn't fathom wrapping her up and leaving her in the garage until morning when we could take her to the vet. It's too cold out. So we took her to the 24-hour vet for cremation services at 2 am as the snow fell around us.The photo above is one of my favorite shots of her. I took it in 2003 when she was 15 weeks old. Many of you didn't know me before Memphis and Merlin, but at the time we had just put down our first dog Maudee (a sweet and neurotic Sheltie). We couldn't stand the thought of being in the  house that weekend, so we took Memphis to her first cabin/lake trip. Do you see how blissed out she was? We were remembering last night how afraid of the water she was back then, and how funny that is to us now.If you see me today or tomorrow (I will be heading into the office etc), please do not bring up Memphis or how sorry you are. I know your intentions are good, but I'm afraid I'll dissolve into a giant puddle of tears in the middle of the newsroom. Holding it together is so dang tough right now.And I can't end the blog post like this. I'm so sorry to be such a downer... why don't we instead remember the huge spirit that this girl had and how much she loved getting in trouble. You can re-read one of my favorite Memphis stories here.

Oh man. I don't want to blog. I don't want to write down what this is like. Sitting here by the fire with my sweet baby girl whose breathing is getting more and more labored and who can't even sit up and who is trembling constantly as she lays at my feet dying. It is the saddest and hardest thing, and I just want to put down the computer and snuggle this cute little chin some more. So that's what I'm going to do.

Is that pretty or what? That's my new camera bag :)I helped back a kickstarter campaign this summer, and I was hoping to snag this beauty for my trip to Europe. The thing I loved most about it was that it doesn't look like it has expensive gear in it, it just looks like a rucksack (well, that and it's military inspired -- I mean who doesn't love that?). But the guy running the project ran into about four million problems while learning how to manufacture bags overseas (I imagine that is a tad tricky) and I just got it today in the mail! And kids, it is gorgeous. And so, so high quality.I probably won't be taking it out to many shows as camera/lens access still isn't as handy as my messenger bag, but this beauty will be great for portrait sessions (especially those involving hikes!) and travel. You know the sound Homer Simpson makes when he sees donuts? That's the sound I make when I feel this bag.MEMPHIS UPDATE: Our Golden Girl must have been feeling better today because while we were at work she decided to unwrap gifts under the Christmas tree and eat a ton of cookies that had been sent to us (I didn't know the package contained food) as well as a gift I had gotten for a friend that contained a bag of extremely rich, buttery caramels. Thank god she stopped at the bag of coffee beans (it looks like she tasted one, and that's it). The good news? She feels good enough for trouble, so maybe she's not as close to death's doorstep as we feared. The bad news? We've been cleaning up the grossest dog vomit you can imagine all night. Awesome.